‘Twas a night as good as any,

And I realized I was hungry,

Hungry for something spunky,

Though not sure what hungry for.

It was then that I took liberty,

To see what might await me,

I looked into my pantry,

Quoth myself, “Albacore.”

It sat there in my pantry,

One can, looking lonely.

I couldn’t help myself but grab thee,

And close the pantry door.

“How’d it get there?” I would ponder,

To my kitchen I had wandered,

A fine meal, I wouldn’t squander.

A fine meal, like albacore.

An opener I had grabbed,

The steel can, I had stabbed,

That simple-colored can,

The can of albacore.

But wait, my hold had slipped!

My hands had improperly gripped!

I now looked down and flipped,

For my precious midnight meal,

Was strewn about the floor.

There I towered, gawking,

This event, it was shocking,

And so I stood there balking,

Only this, and nothing more.

As it were, I was not alone,

For I lived, in my home,

With another, who would roam,

Another who came running,

And snatched up my albacore.

Ensuing came a gnashing of teeth,

A flurry of claws, a swinging of feet,

For now myself and my cat wrestled,

Wrestled on the kitchen floor.

The battle raged for hours,

The fighting wholly sour,

We were both of equal power,

Hungry for albacore.

At last, the killing blow was struck,

The damage dealt had stuck,

 And now like a dying schmuck,

I lay there on the floor.

Quoth myself, “Please no more.”

My cat glared at me, unblinking,

Wondered I, “What is he thinking?”

I stared at him, hopes sinking,

Stared at him who possessed,

my beloved albacore.

But then wide, I opened my eyes,

For he took me by surprise,

I couldn’t believe my eyes,

When he returned the albacore.

I stared at him a while,

Until I inquired with a smile,

I said, “Are we to fight again?”

Quoth the feline, “Nevermore.”

(1) comment

Paul Eberhardt

Thanks for this. It was a solid hit on my funny bone.

Also it made me revisit EAP which is much better as an adult.

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